I am a christian, I don’t know and that’s okay.

Why is it so hard for us to admit it? Why do I always have to have an answer?

As a follower of Christ I feel I so often HAVE to have the answer. No matter the question and whether I have any such knowledge on the subject or situation I feel I NEED to answer. 

Why does God allow children in India to live in hunger and suffering? I don’t know. 

Why does God allow for such quarreling and strife between certain people groups or ethnic backgrounds? I don’t know. 

Why did God allow the holocaust? I don’t know. 

Yet, even though I know the answer is that I don’t know; I pretend. I regurgitate some sort of “holy” answer in the hopes that if I present it with the right words it will make that person feel better and satisfied for the moment. 

“Well, you know the good thing is it gets better and maybe not in this life…”

“How groups of people feel towards each other is unfortunate but God still loves them.”

“Maybe it happened to show how much we need God.”

Sure, some of those answers may have some sort of truth to them, but do they really help that person? Are they really just an answer that we are trying to fabricate for ourselves because deep down inside we know the answers to those questions haven’t been answered for ourselves and if we don’t provide an answer in that moment we might for a moment question God?

How dare we question. How dare we realize we don’t have all the answers and God hasn’t given us every answer. 

Yesterday a 15 year old high school student shot and killed his 16 year old ex-girlfriend and then turned the Gun on himself. Neither one of them lived. It is one of the most tragic stories I’ve heard in a long time. I asked my wife repeatedly, “How at that age can you make that decision? In general, I don’t know how anyone does that, but how at 15 was that the best choice for that situation in that teenagers mind?” 

I asked repeatedly. I asked friends we were with. No answer from anyone. No answer from me. None from God. 

Given the proximity of the situation to our church I know that many of our youth leaders will get questions, and our youth pastors may have to address the situation and I don’t think we have an answer. Sure, we’re broken from the fall, but why that broken?

The apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians says that, “No one comprehends the thoughts of God.” 

Am I saying that this whole situation is by the hand of God? No. 

However, I can rack my brain trying to figure it out and never come up with an answer. There are atrocities all over the Earth of all sorts that I can never answer. No matter the research I do or countless hours I stay up thinking there will not be answer to some questions that satisfy us. 

So, why do I keep following him? Why put my faith in something that doesn’t give me the answer to every tough question that comes my way? The biggest question, Why don’t I get the answer that I WANT?

First, I believe we must seek an attitude of humility to understand that I am in no position to question God. If it weren’t for God in the first place at what basis would I even have for morals anyways? It’s because of this desire he put in me that I hurt in my heart in the first place. 

Second, an answer I do have is that God gave his son on the cross for me and for you. I will never understand why. The prophet Isaiah says that, “He(Jesus) was crushed for our iniquities”. If you think it hurts us to see all of these horrible atrocities play out around us, imagine God’s heart. Imagine what he felt in that moment seeing his son broken for people who would continually hurt him. Imagine the size of his heart and love that he knew we would still remain broken and hurting each other and him and he held to the promise he made us. Can you answer how someone could do that? I can’t. I can’t even comprehend it. He still did it though. He still gave his son for us and made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we become the righteousness of God.(2 Cor. 5:21)

I can’t answer that question. But he did. 

I am a christian and I don’t have the answers…and that is okay. I am a christian and I embrace that I don’t know. I am a christian and I embrace that I am just a man who knows little, but pretends to know everything. Today I embrace that I just don’t know. 

I am a christian and I trust that God does know and in that I will find rest. 

I am a christian and I hope I never full understand God.

“Is your god really God?
Is my god really God?
I think our god isn’t God
If he fits inside our heads”

Clouds – As Cities Burn

 

Kyle

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